


in all this chaos, we found safety

by orphan_account



Series: Per aspera, ad astra [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No Proofreading We Die Like Men, but like obviously a lot of canon divergence, honestly this pairing is going to be the death of me, roguejedi, takes place right after ESB
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 15:49:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9448841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “You’re Bodhi Rook!” The man in front of him exclaims with enthusiasm, and Bodhi thinks that if he had ever doubted the fact, this man would be the one who could convince him of it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write another fic for these boys and here's where inspiration struck.

“You’re Bodhi Rook!” The man in front of him exclaims with enthusiasm, and Bodhi thinks that if he had ever doubted the fact, this man would be the one who could convince him of it. He’s wearing an electric-yellow jacket and a gold medal, just like the one Bodhi has, is hanging around his neck. His eyes are  _ unnervingly blue,  _ Bodhi thinks. 

_ Luke Skywalker.  _

The realization dawns on Bodhi. He’d never met Skywalker before, but he couldn’t imagine how this bright, excitable man in front of him could be anyone else.

“Yeah…” he hesitantly replies, unsure of how to respond to to what wasn’t a question, but rather, someone shouting his own name at him. “You’re Luke, right.”

Luke reaches out his hand and shakes Bodhi’s own with gusto while saying “It’s such an honor to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you!”

Bodhi looks down to where Luke still has his hand grasped in his own, a gesture more intense than the other man probably means it to be, and then back up into those eyes that are so very, very blue. Luke is looking at him expectantly, and Bodhi isn’t sure what he’s waiting for. The silence grows longer and Bodhi realizes he’s probably expecting some sort of response to his previous comment. He has no idea what to say, but lucky for him, Luke picks up again before the silence gets any more awkward.

“What was it like, defecting from the Empire and stealing the Death Star plans?” he asks.

Not lucky for Bodhi after all. 

Luke’s eyes shine bright with excitement. Bodhi falters under their intensity and looks down at his feet. He mutters something like “gotta go find Cassian” as he pushes past Luke and back into the celebratory crowd of rebels, and ignores the Jedi’s confused calls after him. 

 

They’re sitting in an empty corner of the X-wing hangar, Bodhi’s head in Luke’s lap as Luke absentmindedly runs his fingers through his hair. Moments like this had become more and more rarely lately, with Luke constantly busy commanding Rogue squadron, or off doing mysterious Jedi things, and Bodhi constantly in briefings to share Imperial trade secrets, or training to fly X-wings. They were both lucky these days to find any spare time to fool around in the unoccupied, dark corners of the rebel base. Or to find time to relax and enjoy each other’s company afterwards, which is why they were so content to quietly appreciate each other’s presence right now. Between the warm, dark of the hangar, and the pleasant, repetitive motion of Luke’s hand through his hair, Bodhi felt himself begin to drift to sleep before being brought back to alert by Luke’s voice.

“Bodhi, what was it like, defecting from the Empire, and the mission after?” he asks, the question neutral-sounding, his voice somewhere between caring and curious. 

Bodhi stiffens at that.  _ Well there goes my chance at pretending to be asleep.  _

Luke, who always tries his best to be understanding and patient ( _ I love him for that _ , thinks Bodhi), gives Bodhi plenty of time to respond, continuing to soothingly stroke his hair. Bodhi waits a few moments, closing his eyes and wishing he could truly fall asleep and avoid this topic altogether, before responding. 

“I know you want me to tell you everything, about my time in the Empire, and defecting, and the mission on Scarif, and how we made it out of there alive. And you deserve to know. You’ve told me all about everything that’s happened to you without me even having to ask. But.. I’d rather talk about anything else in the galaxy with you. That’s all over. I’m here now, with the rebellion, and that’s enough to think about.”

He pauses and takes a breath before continuing.

“If you want to know about Scarif, it’s probably best to ask Cassian or Jyn. It’s nothing to do with you but I… I can’t talk about that. I’m sorry.”

He turns around to look at Luke and sees his blue eyes looking down at him, caring with just a trace of concern.

_ I don’t deserve him. _

“You don’t have to apologize to me for that.” Luke says. “I trust you, and the only thing I care about is that you’re happy, and safe, and with me.”

He leans down and gently kisses the top of his head, and Bodhi relaxes again.

And so Luke doesn’t ask about Jedha, or the Empire, or Scarif ever again. And when they start sleeping in Luke’s quarters together, when Bodhi whimpers at night and talks in his sleep, his terror the only thing discernible, Luke doesn’t ask questions, only pulls him close and holds him tighter. 

 

Bodhi walks into their shared quarters to find Luke hunched over with his face in his hands. When Bodhi enters, he looks up, and Bodhi can tell from the puffy redness of his eyes that he’s been crying. He doesn’t say anything, simply sits down next to Luke on the bed and pulls him into his arms. They end up lying down, Luke tucking his face into Bodhi’s side, silent except for his ragged breathing. He hasn’t talked to Bodhi much lately. Not since he returned from Cloud City without his friend Han and one less hand than before. Bodhi understood if Luke didn’t want to talk about it. He  _ more  _ than understood. So he’d smiled supportively when Luke got a cybernetic unit to replace his hand, and held him when he cried over Han. But he hadn’t asked any questions. 

Luke’s breathing evens out. The silence between them is one of understand, not tension.

“When I delivered Galen Erso’s message to Saw Gerrera, he tortured me” Bodhi says in a voice so quiet it’s almost a whisper. 

Luke looks up at him then, his eyes red and bloodshot.

“Bodhi you don’t have to-”

“No, it’s ok. I want to.” Bodhi cuts him off. “I thought defecting from the Empire was the most terrifying thing I’d ever experience, but I was wrong. When I found Saw Gerrera, he didn’t believe me. Thought I was still working for the Empire, as a spy. He gave me over to this thing—this monster—that read your mind. It… it got inside my head, and it scrambled everything up. It went in my memories and punished me for every lie it found. I shouldn’t have survived it, I don’t know how I did. Sometimes, not as much anymore but sometimes, I feel myself drifting, and my mind goes back to that cave with the monster. Sometimes I start to wonder and get afraid that maybe I am still there, maybe I never even left, and everything since has just been a story I’m telling myself to escape the monster.”

Luke is looking at him, wide-eyed with fear and concern.

“Bodhi I can’t believe you went through that. I am so, so sorry. If I had known—”

Bodhi cuts him off again. “But that’s still not the most terrifying thing. I was scared out of my wits on that cave on Jedha, and I thought I was going to die for sure, but I still wasn’t as scared then as I was on Scarif, when I thought that my friends were all going to die and it would be my fault.”

He takes a deep breath.

“Someone, an Imperial, tossed a grenade inside my shuttle. If I just had myself to worry about, I wouldn’t have been as scared. I might have even let the thing go off and take me with it. I’d already made it so the transmission could go through. I’d finished my mission and made right with the Force. But Baze and Chirrut were still outside fighting, and Cassian and Jyn and Kay were in the main tower. And I knew, in that split second, that if I died, they would have no way to escape and they would die too. And that was the most terrified I’ve ever been in my life. So I somehow managed, I’m still not sure how I did it, to pull off an inner panel of the shuttle and curl up in the body of the ship. The bomb detonated and I was sure I was dead, but somehow I survived and made it out of the flaming wreckage onto the beach. I think by that point I was just running on fear and adrenaline, and I somehow managed to find and steal a nearby Imperial shuttle. I picked up Chirrut and Baze first, then circled around for Jyn, Cassian, and Kay. We were only seconds out of the planet’s atmosphere before Scarif was gone.”

Luke slides up on the bed and wraps his arms around Bodhi tightly, and Bodhi does the same.  They’re quiet again, wrapped in each other’s arms. It seems like hours that they lay there, before Bodhi feels Luke’s body start to shake and he knows that he’s crying again. 

“I’m so scared, Bodhi.” Luke cries, the sound muffled from his face pressed into Bodhi’s chest. 

Bodhi rubs his hand reassuringly between his shoulders, and whispers “It’s ok.” He doesn’t have a clue if it’s ok, or what Luke is even scared about, but he’s determined to comfort him.

Luke sobs into Bodhi’s chest for awhile longer before steadying himself. He murmurs something muffled that Bodhi isn’t able to make out.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear that.” Bodhi says.

Luke pulls away from his chest to give himself room to speak.

“He’s my father.” he repeats, voice flat with grief. 

Bodhi knows immediately who Luke is talking about.  _ Vader _ . He’s surprised, but then again, he learned to expect the unexpected long ago when he first started dating the young Jedi. This revelation changes nothing about how he feels about Luke, other than being concerned for him. 

Luke is looking up at him again, his expression desperate and pleading.

“I’m so afraid that… that I’m going to be like him. That there’s the same darkness in me. That I’m doomed to hurt you and everyone else I love.”

Bodhi’s heart breaks a million times over at that.

_ How could someone as brave and beautiful as you ever hurt anyone?  _

He pulls Luke tighter and whispers into his hair “Don’t be afraid of that. I know you, probably better than anyone in this galaxy, and I know that there’s nothing but light inside you. You’re so brave and I love you with all my heart and you are nothing like him, I don’t care what he claims to be, you’re not him. You’re Luke Skywalker, please don’t ever forget that.” 

Luke relaxes in his arms and doesn’t protest as Bodhi presses reassuring kisses into his hair. Bodhi continues to rub his hand across his back in comfort until he feels Luke’s breathing slow.

He curls up next to Luke’s sleeping form and closes his eyes as well, relishing this moment of peace in the storm that is to come. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed! I'm probably going to write a lot more for these two because I'm so in love with them both and they deserve galaxies. Please feel free to leave comments if you liked it!


End file.
